What is BDSM and why do people find it so appealing? BDSM is all the rage. Everyone is talking about this trend. Fifty Shades of Grey has suddenly made the fetish mainstream. Now that youve retired from cinema, lets explore this fantasy life on a deeper level, shall we? You are not alone in your (sadomasochism or masochism) interest. According to recent studies, 50 percent of Germans enjoy this or some kind of fetish, while 36 percent admit to wearing blindfolds and bondage equipment during sexual intercourse. Thats a lot of people! There are real psychological and scientific reasons why you are fascinated by BDSM. Weve put together the basics for the ultimate beginner guide.

BDSM: First things first

One of the things that really tears the gears of those who love BDSM is the idea that it all started with Christian Gray. This is inaccurate. People have had dirty sex since the beginning of time. People like to mix a little violence with sexuality - it is an urge. And not only men. Products that make your sex more sensual! An interesting aspect of fetishes is what a role mainstream attention has played in the media. Before the Internet, people thought that the only normal sex would be just the standard love game. Meanwhile there was a whole community (underground) exploring a darker side of sexuality. People who have felt such desires have rarely or never expressed them, and many must have felt completely alone. Today we are more honest with each other and with ourselves - we know that most sex fantasies and fetishes are actually quite common.

The practices are more about control

What throws us off track about BDSM (apart from all the whips and ball gagging) is the lack of clarity about why we are interested in it at all. What matters is control. Its a desire to give up or get control over someone. There is something deeply sensual about this give and take - this complete exchange of power. BDSM is often misrepresented and not fully understood. Maybe thats why we feel so funny. At first glance, BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism) may seem like an abusive practice carried out only by heartless sadists and victims with low self-esteem. With BDSM, the misunderstanding is particularly profound. The practice of BDSM involves trust, compassion, love, acceptance and the transfer of control for the benefit of ones emotional health. There is nothing wrong with you if you want to try BDSM. You are not a depraved soul longing for torture. You are just a person with a rich fantasy life. According to a 2008 study, those who participate in BDSM are no more corrupt or mentally harmed than anyone else. So dont freak out if you enjoy being gagged with your eyes blindfolded. There is nothing wrong with you. Another thing that makes us silly? The idea that we cant get out of a BDSM fantasy once were inside. Many are afraid to give up control because they are afraid that they cannot come back. That is wrong! You can always say no. BDSM is not about getting hurt against your will. Its not about exposing yourself to trauma; its about exploring your sexuality in a way that feels safe. Before you try a BDSM scene, discuss boundaries with your partner and think about what things youre familiar with and what things youre not. If something feels too overwhelming at the moment, use your Safe Word. Contrary to popular opinion and what you see in porn, BDSM is not always about sex. In fact, a professional dominatrix NEVER has sex with her clients. Crazy, isnt it? The thing is, BDSM isnt always associated with orgasms and erections. Its more like therapy or meditation. It is a place to explore boundaries, emotions and fantasies. But it is very erotic. On a psychological level, the elements of fear and danger get the adrenal glands going, flood a persons system with adrenaline, followed by endorphins. These are the natural painkillers of the body and they model opioids as they make us feel and give feelings of rest, relaxation, well-being. Most people say that after a session they feel a sense of euphoria or a warm, ecstatic glow. Psychologically, this type of activity can also be very beneficial. In summary, this means that it is not a matter of direct physical contact, but rather of psychological games. Whipping is a popular and popular activity - which is also classically associated with BDSM. But thats not all electronic technology is coming into play today. Be it a Sybian who lets the woman go crazy or with small electric shocks with electrostimulation devices.

Here is the difference between Dom vs. Sub

In the general BDSM role-playing games there is a dominant and a submissive role. The dome has control over the sub. In Fifty Shades Christian is the cathedral and Anna is the sub. Of course these roles are completely gender specific. In general, BDSM is about dominance and submission. One person plays the uppermost or dominant role, while the other plays the lower or submissive role. The roles often coincide with a persons natural sexual inclinations or come from a particular desire that they dominate or subjugate. It is also possible to be a switch, which means that you can play both roles naturally. If you are not sure who you are in the BDSM role, dont worry. To find out which role feels best for you, some experimentation is needed. You might even be surprised what interests you. Maybe you really think youre the ultimate dome, just to realize that it doesnt feel right for you and youd rather be tied up a lot. - Thats okay! You can try different things and see what works for you. The beauty of sexual experimentation allows you to try things and make mistakes. As long as you explore this fantasy with someone you trust, you have nothing to fear.

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